12 ways to honour your loved ones who have passed through the holidays
The holidays are not easy for everyone. For many, that empty chair at the table, the presents not bought, the food not made, the memories not shared are a hard reality to bear.
As I entered the second Christmas without my mom, I realized the first one felt like a haze, the grief was too close. This second one, her empty space felt more prominent. I also felt the pressure, as the eldest to also fill her huge shoes in hosting as she did, baking as she did and trying to create the magic she did. It was hard…and questionably successful.
I tried to think of ways to make her presence known to me and invite her into the space with me. This holiday, I compiled some things that brought a lot of peace to my heart.
Here are some ways you can explore to call your loved ones in to be a part of your holidays. What I have learned as a medium is that our loved ones are only a thought away. As soon as we ask for their presence, they are with us, just on the other side of the veil.
Speak their name& share their memories
In our society, we are expected to experience a death event, grieve quietly, and not talk about it again. But what I have learned, is that there is so much healing when we do speak their names and share their stories. When other people mention my mom and how amazing she was, I feel grateful that she is remembered. My own memories surface and a warm feeling comes over me.
When you are with your family speak about those that are not here.
“Remember when…”
“ My favourite was…..”
“ They loved…….”
By speaking their name, it keeps them alive and carries on to other generations.
2. put something on the tree
I have learned so many stories of how people have placed something on their tree to honour their loved one. It could be an ornament of theirs, a gift someone gave you in honour of them, their favourite bird or animal, an angel, stars, or even a picture. If we have something that makes us think of them in the heart of our home, they are with us.
3. Bring out their dishes
Their favourite coffee cup, their favourite stirring spoon, your grandmothers tea cup, that plate that was always for the pickles, that old tupperwear they always used for “those cookies”. Having the energetic imprint of something they used in life can give us a sense of comfort.
4. go to a place they loved or that reminds you of them
Taking a moment of silence in the hustle and bustle to experience connection is a powerful thing to connect you with your loved one. It could be there favourite restaurant, or their favourite place in nature.
5. watch their favourite movie
Every year we would watch Sound of Music ( the older I got, I was like, How long is this?) but it was tradition- my dad would yodel, my mom would cry. A beautiful way to re-live old memories is to put on their favourite movie you would watch in your new christmas pj’s.
6. Wear their jewelry
Jewelry, watches, or pins are an amazing piece of legacy and heirlooms. When we place something that once was on their body and then place it on ours- I believe it draws them closer.
7. play their music
Sing their favourite carols, or make a playlist of their favourite Christmas music. Music has such an amazing vibration that can affect every chemical in our body- use it as an opportunity to connect with your loved one- whether through tears or through laughter.
8. play their games
Bring on out an epic puzzle, card game or their favourite board game that makes you think of them. A little friendly competition can spark wonders in a grieving heart.
9. use things they made
Whether it is a blanket they quilted or mittens they crocheted, a board game, makrame, or a tea towel- you can use it this season. It is so special to use something they have gifted us, made with their hands.
10. Decorations
Any heirlooms of a stuffed santa, bears, bells, angels, tree toppers, garland, that has been handed down is a beautiful way to feel their presence in your home. I never had the opportunity to meet my Mother in Law, Lee but she loved bells. Every time she travelled she would collect one so at Christmas we just have a whole mantle of bells for her.
11. baking & Food
Making their favourite recipes and tasting that cookie recipe can conjure up feelings from your childhood and join others in delight of the taste of a memory.
12. light a candle for them
Light represents life. By lighting a candle and asking out loud “ Can you come close to me” they will see your intention and make their presence known to you- maybe through a memory, or a gift idea, or another sign. Have it lit while your in the kitchen or have one going in the living room where all the hustle is. When you call them to draw closer, they will be there.
reflection
As I head into this new chapter without my Mom, my son, and two angel babies that couldn’t join us this side, I have to re-evaluate who I will be and how I manage my grief at Christmas and during the holidays. I can’t take the place of my mom, and I don’t have a household of 4 children we had hoped, so what are the new traditions I can create? what can I begin for my family? what is important for us and our values? I guess, I will only learn year by year as we build new memories.
Life is messy and it seems the holidays can make it messier. Try and find the clarity friends, if only for a moment. And if you are missing someone- remember, they are just one thought away.
Happy Holidays from my Family to yours💖
